Monday, August 03, 2009

Strip Cards and Calling Cards

In the Netherlands, local transportation tickets are called strippenkarts (strip cards)*. It is always economical to buy these strip cards in departmental stores instead of buying them inside buses and trams.

I was once in a rush to go to the airport and I dashed into an Albert Heijn store at the Amstel Station. I ran towards the counter as fast as I could, and hollered in a very serious and urgent tone - "Can I have a strip club please?"

At the store, there was another customer, and two shopkeepers behind the counter - all of them were females (of the age group 20 to 25 years).
Immediately after hearing me, they laughed very hard.

When the laughter finally stopped, the girl behind the counter asked:
"And I guess, you would also like a T-Mobile Call Girl along with your Strip Club? "



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* The tickets are called strip cards because each card consists of strips of tickets. The conductor or the passenger himself (/herself) stamps the appropriate number of strips prior to commencing the journey.

A strip card bought inside the bus or the tram will contain the exact number of strips required for the journey. Strip cards with 15, 30 or 45 strips can be bought at half the price from departmental stores, newspaper stands, and at the ticket counters at the train stations.

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Thursday, May 14, 2009

If you want to make God laugh, then tell him your plans

This happened in a real job interview:

The two founders of a firm were interviewing a candidate.

Interviewer: "What are your career plans?"

Job Applicant: "There is a saying in Turkish that if you want to make God laugh, then tell him your plans."

(both interviewers laugh) 
(interviewee continuing) "While, like the Turks, I agree that it is difficult to predict where one will be in a few years time, nevertheless ... this does not mean that one should not plan ahead for the future. Blah, blah, blah and more blah, blah, blah."

.
.
.

A little later

.
.
.

Job Applicant to Interviewer: "So what plans do you have for the firm for the next few years ?"

One of the founders of the firm: "We don't want to make God laugh and therefore we don't make plans."

Checkmate !

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Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Why Amsterdam has replaced New York as my favourite city worldwide

What are the things that people for in a city: helpful residents, avenues of entertainment, proper infrastructure, safety, inexpensive cost of living, comfortable climate (in no particular order).

I rate Amsterdam very highly on all of the above except the climate - but then that cannot be helped.

Let us look at the different aspects separately:



Wonderful people:
In Amsterdam, most residents are very open to strangers and in embracing them. I have lost count of the number of times the people have gone out of the way to help me. I find it difficult to believe that it was some of their ancestors who along with the Brits went to South Africa and later started apartheid there.

The other aspect about the people in Amsterdam which fascinates me is the diversity. Because of the diversity one can pursue a variety of hobbies and interests. One in every seventh resident is an expat - and that is without counting the tourists (who actually outnumber the locals in the major city squares)

And the tourists, what fun they are - they quadruple the energy level in the city with their enthusiasm, excitement and sense of adventure.

Another aspects which appeals to me is the Egalatarian & Calvinistic nature of the Dutch society. Showing off is actually considered uncool and I love the fact that I am not pressurised to do things just to appear 'kewl'.

I also like the fact that the Dutch are probably the most liberal of people worldwide - one can do anything as long as one does not encroach the lives of others.

Infrastructure (transportation):
One does not need to worry about traffic or commuting - the city is so small that it is difficult to get late for appointments. A bicycle is good enough to transport oneself from one corner of the city to the other (One can even walk from one corner to the other even before the first drop of sweat).
A wonderful public transportation system just makes things even more easier.


Infrastructure (cleanliness):
High rates of taxation, and the smallness of the city has resulted in an over efficient municipality that keeps the city shining all the time - for e.g., on Queen's day, most streets in the big squares are filled by empty beer cans which are a few layers deep. The next morning, one won't even realize that such a party happened.

Moreover, being a small city where a substantial part of the city-centre is blocked for motorized vehicles, mean that most people either walk, bicycle or use electricity based public transportation. The result: clean air. The only polluting smell that you find is probably the smell of legalized soft drugs near the world famous red light district.

A lot of electricity is produced using renewable sources like windmills (some of which are actually off the shore and deep inside sea waters)

Avenues of Entertainment:
Ice skating rinks in winter, canoeing sites in summer, martial arts classes, and other diversions are just 5 minutes away by bicycle. Since the city is small, the hotspots are close by, and one can reach them in no time after office.

It is one of the major party capitals of the world. I have never seen any other city innundated with so many advertisements of parties everywhere. ( I have never been to Ibiza or Rio to make a comparison). One just needs to experience Queens day to get an idea about the craziness for parties here - when they advertise it as the biggest party worldwide, I guess they are not entirely wrong.

Apart from active avenues of entertainment as mentioned above, there are just as many avenues for people seeking passive forms of relaxation and diversion. No place in the city is more than 5 minutes away from a park by bicycle. The canals, etc make for a picturesque stroll too.

Safety:
An extremely efficient police force (and the small size of the city which makes it easy for the police to monitor the city) makes it one of the safest city worldwide. Dutch girls walk alone in isolated corners of the city (the so called immigrant filled ghetto regions) at unearthly hours like 3am/4am.

By legalizing soft drugs and prostitution, they have actually intelligently solved many problems.

Being a very safe city, one can go anywhere, and do anything without the tension of getting late or having to return home early.

Others:
* The city is very picturesque - photographers can spend their entire lifetime within the small boudaries of the city and yet not finish marveling at the wonders. The canals every few metres, the majestic bridges, the lights reflecting on the waters in the canals, and the cute buildings with walls that protrude outwards and defy gravity make for very wonderful sights. Even the graffiti is so very artistic.
And if you would like some variety, you can always bicycle to pristine places like sea coasts, islands#, etc - all within an hour or two.
(# - islands like Marken are connected to the mainland by dykes)

* Centrally located within Europe - traveling to most places within the continent won't burn your pockets.

* Trying to decipher the local language is like solving a puzzle - it is so very similar to English in pronounciation but wildly different in spelling that deciphering a statement is like solving a lateral puzzle. And it is a good way to probably understand etymology and origin of languages.

Climate:
Yes, the Dutch like to complain about the weather, and a constant desire to be in Spain all the time. But for an Indian who grew up in extreme heat, I find this a welcome break.

Moreover, if one looks at the Mercer rating on the world's best cities to live in (considered the authorative guide on this topic), the other cities above Amsterdam in the list are actually the extremely cold cities in the Scandinavia, the Alps and New Zealand. Or cities in Germany.

Remove the extremely cold cities from the Mercer ratings (and the German cities - where knowing the English language alone won't see you through) .... and lo and behold - you will agree with my rating.
- - -

Things that I wished were better: lower tax rates, shops open beyond 5pm on weekdays, greater diversity of restaurants (but then the city is so small too), more vacancy in the bicycling parking spots (especially near the central station), lesser number of junkies close to the RLD and lesser bicycle thefts.


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Friday, February 13, 2009

Overheard in the street

Jesus Saves

Lady with a "Jesus Saves" placard in front of a coffee shop* in Amsterdam.

"Remember ... it is Jesus's blood which cleanses us of our sin. Not the smoke from the coffee shops"

* coffee shop - popular name for authorized shops & cafes which sell legalized soft drugs in Amsterdam.

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That's why people call this the Red Light District

A frustrated bicyclist at a traffic junction near the Dam Square: "This is the third red traffic signal that I have encountered within 100 metres"

Another bicyclist: "Thats why this place is called the red light district"

(Dam Square is the most touristic square in Amsterdam and it is less than 5 minutes by walk from Amsterdam's world famous red light district)

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I am from 'Awesome'

A: What is the name of the province that you come from in India ?

B: Assam.

A: Awesome ? :-O

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Lets go OUT someday

"After my father just came to Amsterdam, he was driving on the A10 ring road and after every few metres he would see a signboard with the letters 'UIT'. And he thought Uit must be the name of some big city in Netherlands.

He wanted to go and see this special city called UIT. 

A few days later, he learnt that UIT is the dutch word for OUT or exit from the ring road"

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Birds are vegetarians - but animals and fishes are not

"When I told my father that they just ate vegetarian food in the place that I lived in India, my father was stupefied. 

He was even surprised that they did not eat chicken. 

He said 'Chicken are birds. They are not animals - how can they be considered non-vegetarian !!!"

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Dont discriminate

A: So, being a non-vegetarian from India, do you eat every kind of meat, or are you very selective ?

B: I don't want the animals to feel discriminated.

A: And therefore you eat everything :-O

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That is not a compliment

A: Hey ... Did I tell you that you look like Lisa Kudrow who plays Phoebe Buffay  in FRIENDS ?

B: Yes, I know. A lot of people told me. But she is not beautiful.

A: I think she is beautiful. Moreover, she is the funniest amongst all of them - she is my favourite FRIENDS character.

B: BUT she is NOT beautiful.

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Free is easier to understand ?

A: Hey .... there is this interesting open air movie festival.

B: I think I will not be able to reach in time.

A: The good thing about the film is that you can come late too.

B: Why?

A: Gratis, dude, gratis !!! The entrance is free !!!

B: :-O

A: :-)

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Saturday, January 31, 2009

Drive it

Wholesale trader A shouting to trader B at the top of his voice: "What do you want to do with the Porsche?"

(Interpretation for the layman: 'What do you want to do with the client request for quotes for a Porsche derivative instrument? Do you want to buy or sell that instrument?')

Before Trader B could reply 'buy' or 'sell', trader C shouted: 
"Drive it !!! 
There is only one thing that I would want to do with Porsche"

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Sunday, November 02, 2008

Trading G-Spots

Spot (n):
"position; a job in an organization that is assigned to a particular person."

I recently moved to a team which had a Korean trader by the name of Ji Heon Kim.

Me: "Who traded Ji's spot before him?"

Grant: "Did you just say trading G-SPOTS ... ha ha ha !!"

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Saturday, May 10, 2008

Overheard at work - the joy of co-workers

Trading is fun. It brings out a lot of emotions. And the constant excitement brings out a lot of interesting comments and conversations.

These are a few interesting snippets of conversation that I overheard (/was involved in) during my past few weeks of trading.

All these conversations are from the trainee trading desks where the stakes are much smaller than normal full time desks.

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Trainee A: "The market is like the red light district."
(Remember we are in Amsterdam which is notorius worldwide for the red light district. The red light district is just a few hundred metres away from our office)

Trainee B: "Why?"

Trainee A: "I see a lot of reds all around. And because of all these reds, I get f**ked."

Trainee B: "And it is all men here who play in this market ... and who get f**ked."

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Trainee A: "I just lost 300 euros in this tick."

Trainee B: "Shit tick for me too ... I lost around 400 euros."

Trainee C: "Don't tell me - I lost a digit from my P/L"

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Trainee A: "One should be the fastest in changing the vol and getting the desired vega position. The last person to get to the vega position, does so when vol has stopped moving ... and therefore gets screwed."

Trainee B: "Yeah ... it is like passing a live dynamite from one person to another. The last person to get it, gets blasted."

Next day (when trainee C just got into a vega position some time after vol had started moving)
Trainee C: "I think I just got the dynamite"

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Trainee A: "I made a lot of money from my vega position when volatility was changing. But when vol stopped changing and I had to get rid of my vega, I lost all the money I made"

Trainee B: "Yeah ... Whatever happens in vega, stays in vega"
(an obvious pun on the famous saying - 'Whatever happens in Vegas (Las), stays in Vegas')

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All the trainees trade the same futures and options. One person handles the team position and lets others know what the team as a whole should do.

We had to sell the 470, 475 and 477.5 options (The 72.5 strike was not introduced yet).

Person handling the team position: "Team - Position update : Sell every strike that has a 7 in it."

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As a team, we once had a massive (long) position on an out of the money strike.

To ensure that I don't deteriorate the team position, I was trying to avoid buying that out of the money option - I was asking for a credit of 3 euros to buy the option priced at 2.05 euros. B was asking for a credit of 2 euros to buy the same.... which was again as good as not wanting to buy the same at all.

Senior Trader X (who was not aware of the team restrictions which forced such an action from us): "3 euros for a strike priced at 2 euros!!! .... and (to B) I see that you are a bit more generous!!!"

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The strikes are displayed in an ascending order in the screen. The lower priced strikes therefore appear above the higher priced strikes on the screen. The lower priced strikes are also called the downside... and the higher priced strikes are called the upside. A trainee thought that those which appear on the top half of the screen are the upside and vice versa.

During the early days of trading.
xyz : "So you mean the downside is upside on the screen. And the upside is the downside on the screen".

A few days later:
"Sell the downside ... and by downside I mean 'the downside' and not xyz's downside."

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The entire trainee team was on leave on Queen's Day (Biggest celebration in Amsterdam).

The day after that everyone lost money during day trading (Luckily, the only such instance for our team till date).

Senior Trader X: "I see that all of you should have taken a holiday today also"

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Trainee A: "I think I lost money today because I was a bit unlucky today, especially with delta and some of the ticks."

Senior Trader X: "One does not count on luck during trading."

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Senior Trader X: "And why did you lose money today ?"

Trainee A: "I got a lot of bad trades."

Senior Trader X: "You don't 'get' a lot of bad trades. You 'do' a lot of bad trades."
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Trainee A (after losing a lot of money): " I just sold the whole screen and vol started bidding"

Senior Trader X: "Obviously the rest of the world was not stupid to keep buying from you. The stupidity is happening here where you fail to notice what the market is doing"

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Trainee A: "Hey B... What is your P&L?"

Trainee B (who just went into a loss): "There is no P left in my P&L.... I am all L now"

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Senior Trainee to New Trainee: "There are up-ticks... and there are down-ticks. And there is a third category - shit-ticks."

A few days later the new trainee was talking to a senior trader (who is remarkably composed and well mannered).

New Trainee: "Oh .. that was a shit-tick"

Senior Trader: "We call them spikes !!!"

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When any market parameter is changing, we either call it offering (when the parameter is decreasing) or bidding (when the parameter is increasing). If one is slow in responding to a changing parameter, one losses money while trading.

The conversation below happened when volatility was offering (i.e. decreasing) and some of the trainess lost money during this change.

Trainee A: "Volatility is offering"

Trainee B: "Yeah ... vol is offering. It is offering like a cheap prostitute ... and I am getting screwed"

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Trainee A to non-trainee B: "Yesterday was good - I made xyz euros"

Trainee C to B: "I made 8 digits"

B: (totally surprised) "That is a hell lot of money to make as a trainee"

Trainee C: "No ... it is simple. I went from negative 4 digits to positive 4 digits"

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Trainee A: "Look outside - there seems to be some major fire outside"

Trainee B: "Sell some AEX futures"

(AEX is the Amsterdam Exchange Index.
The fire did turn out to be a somewhat major fire. One of the main offices of TNT got razed by the fire. TNT is a Netherlands based international courier company)

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